I started this post around 8:30am my time. It's is now after 2:30pm and have only just hit the publish button.
First, there were words. There's always words and yet this time...
One of my hastily scrawled notes this week (I'll list the others near the end) said, "It is a steady process. Until it is a steady process it's a slow process. What looks like a chasm now is only a step from another perspective."
Consistent. Steady. Process. Three words that as I type them I notice a few things, first they have some very strong unconscious associations including:
plodding
molasses
forever
unending
encumbered
excruciating
Just typing the associated words makes me feel like I'm moving s o m u c h s l o w e r t h a n n o r m a l . G a h !
My reactions seem slower, which might not be such a bad thing. My thoughts are flowing like sticky sap through my fingers and into the keyboard more slowly. I'm also editing as I go instead of letting the slow thought seep out. Plus on top of all that I'm also wondering how long this post is going to take to write.
My internal dialogue is saying things like, this post is going to take forever, haha you've gone and done it, now you have to be consistent with ATSRF, you shouldn't be doing this anyway, no one cares about random, you're wasting your time, you could be doing something productive.
More GAH!. Now the effects of the words and associations make me want to go into overcompensation and move like Speedy Gonzales, just so I can get back to what I consider normal for me.
Words have this affect, in some completely unique way, on all of us. The phenomenon itself isn't unique to just me or you.
To clear my head and get back my normal, I step outside. Immediately I wish the LawnMower man had access to the backyard, so he could cut it. Next I immediately think about gardening. Gardening, me, seriously? The only step I've ever participated in when it comes to gardening, is harvesting.
I know nothing about prepping, watering, weeding, maintaining or growing and waiting, just harvesting and the eating of yummy spring, summer and fall fruits & veggies.
While I don't dismiss the idea, of me gardening, as absurd, a garden does take active planning. It is not a right now endeavor. Which is fine because right now I'm trying to clear my head and write a post for ATSRF. I'm staying with the intent of being consistent. I head inside.
As soon as I sit down, the phone rings and not only is it someone I enjoy talking to, she is offering me fresh grown vegetables, which were left on her doorstep.
Totally random, people I swear.
Don't ask me how, but after 7 hours of writing this post, I have come to the random tidbits found on my desk after the cleaning/clearing session...
- I have 'right now''
- Childhood desires play out in adult life
- Make sure you get what you need
- Focus on the why of what you want because the why guides and encourages you to do the what and learn the how.
